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Don Mulford

The Fair Sex

Though most of us enjoy The Bard
We sometimes find it rather hard
To think of ladies from Will’s point of view.
In efforts to entrance them,
When we woo them and romance them,
We think perhaps WE should write sonnets, too!
But I have tried, and tried again,
And one thing always seems quite plain;
That Shakespeare’s girls were prettier than ours!
He wrote about them glowingly,
But readers all smile knowingly,
For no-one now compares his love with flowers!
The Bard’s girl’s lips were rosy red;
Just like rose petals, it’s been said,
But nowadays the colors change so quickly.
Sometimes they’re red, but sometimes blue,
They can achieve most any hue,
And some of them will turn us off quite quickly!
Now, in the sonnets maidens’ hair
Was yellow silk, a frame so fair
For cheeks that glowed as smooth and soft as peaches.
But hair today has this big flaw,
It’s not like silk, it’s more like straw,
With frequent use of curlers, dyes and bleaches!
And did you read how Will went on
About her neck? Just like a swan!
I can’t imagine girls with necks so flexy.
My darling’s neck’s not like a swan,
It hasn’t any feathers on,
And certainly a swan’s neck isn’t sexy!
Their eyes, Will said, were limpid pools,
Unfailing traps for lovesick fools,
But girls today are not like Shakespeare’s lasses,
They grieve if lashes long, they lack,
And use mascara, shiny black,
Then hide their eyes behind their dark sunglasses!
Some things don’t change! It’s not by chance
Their figures they will still enhance
With undergarments, snug, their curves confining,
But we all like them even more
In their bikinis, on the shore,
With languid grace upon the beach reclining.
Will Shakespeare never saw this sight
And we must wonder how he might
Have told us of it in his lilting sonnets?
Perhaps he would have been dismayed
To see such beauty so displayed,
Preferring stylish skirts and shawls and bonnets!
But though we haven’t Shakespeare’s flair
Describing faces, eyes or hair,
No matter how we say it, we adore them!
They are our comfort and our joy,
Though mundane words we must employ,
We’ll hope simplicity will underscore them!.